The Pineapple Pincher – Kuta Beach, Bali

Walking down the “Boardwalk” we see her coming.  She sees us.  We can’t avoid her.  It isn’t long before we hear, “Pineapple, Ananas, Mango”, all in that oh so familiar Indo-English accent.  Heading straight for us is Made [pronounced mah·day] .  I recognize her from previous trips to Bali.  And how could I forget her?  She’s short, plump, has a radiating smile, and carries a large, heavy tin full of fruit on her HEAD to sell to tourists.  Oh, and she’s also the one that pinches nipples!

That’s right, she pinches nipples and grabs boobs; male or female.  From past experiences, you don’t even need to make a purchase to get felt up from her.  It’s all done free of charge!

This particular encounter with Made was Katherine’s first.  I had told her about Made, but nothing could really prepare her.  Once we got nearer to her, Made instantly recognized me.  I knew because she started jabbering to me in Indonesian, mixed with the odd English word here and there, and of course, she started rubbing my shoulders and pinching my nipples.  I’ve always wondered what she was saying while pinching my nipples and rubbing me down.  I’ve always liked to think the translation goes something like, “Oh, young boy, you’re so handsome.  You have such strong muscles, and beautiful hair.  And look at your pectorals…they’re so well defined.  Can I touch them?”

In reality though, Made is probably saying, “Oh, young boy, you really need to go to the gym.  You look very weak, and you should probably cut your hair.  You should also do some bench presses to gain more definition in your pectorals.  Can I touch them?”

With Made talking in Indonesian and touching my body, and me talking in English and enjoying it, the reunion was all a little too awkward with neither of us understanding one another and her touching me like we were long lost lovers.

Katherine decided to break the ice by purchasing a pineapple.  “Oh no”, I thought, “she just bought a one way ticket to Boob Grabbing – Nipple Pinching Town”.  Low and behold, as soon as the deal was done and the pineapple was cut, Made thanked Katherine in her ever so affectionate way.  There was nothing Katherine could do but laugh, leading Made to believe that she probably liked it.  And from this day forward, it’s pretty much a guarantee that both of us will be greeted in this way, purchase or not.  This leads me to wonder that perhaps we’re being rude by not reciprocating this type of greeting.  Perhaps at our next meeting, WE should be the ones doing the grabbing!

– Thomas