Tales From the Toilet – Suan Lum Night Bazaar, Bangkok

After having a large Chang beer at the Suan Lum Night Bazaar in Bangkok, I knew it wouldn’t be long until I got the urge to relieve myself.  I hoped and prayed that I could sustain this urge ‘til we finished our shopping and got back to the familiar toilet at our hotel.  This didn’t happen.  I had to go, and I was deeply concerned about the situation I would find myself in.  I thanked my lucky stars when I saw a lit up “toilet” sign.  I must say that this wasn’t exactly the tale I wanted to be telling, especially from the city of Bangkok.  Personally I’m not ashamed to admit that I have a certain affinity to Bangkok’s washrooms in general.  Unfortunately this toilet tale leaves much to be desired and in my expert bathroom opinion, this toilet did not do Bangkok’s lavatories justice.  However a toilet is a toilet and I only tell the truth.

After following the faintly lit maze of urban shrubbery, alas, I arrived at the toilets. At first glance they seemed doable.  It was no outhouse and even though the walls and ceiling were pieces of corrugated aluminum put together like a puzzle, there were more than enough toilets and sinks available for the general public.   Pushing open the door to a vacant stall I found a typical squat toilet.  By this time I was practically frantic, and dancing around like a 6 year old boy desperate to relieve himself.  Luckily the drink had dulled my senses a bit and I wasn’t the least bit picky in my only option for a toilet.

As I assumed the squatting position, and the muscles in my thighs began to burn, I started to look around. To my dismay, staring down at me from a very intricate web was a massive arachnoid.  If I wasn’t already in a rush to get the job done, I sure was after laying eyes on my new roommate.  I hadn’t gotten any better at using squat toilets since my last story, and yet again, my foot smelled like urine.

Fishing in my bag for my handy baby wipes, I was halfway cleaning myself up when the door swung open.  On display for any poor soul who passed by, I slammed the door shut screaming “in use… in use!!” and quickly finished up.  The door must have had a neon flashing “OPEN” sign, because before I could completely finish my business, it was opened three more times.

Thinking the adventure was over, I walked to the sinks only to see a man and women using a plunger to unclog every single sink in the washroom.

Oh the toilets in Asia. How I love thee…

– Katherine